Family

Eulogy for Bluefford G. Hancock

BlueffordWhen I asked the grandchildren what they wanted me to share about Bluefford, the first thing they often mentioned was not stories but sayings. You might call them “Blueffordisms.” For example, whenever Bluefford was ready to go but you weren’t, he would say he was like “a dollar waiting on a nickel.” If something was really good, it was “prettier than a speckled birddog pup.” I’ll admit, I wasn’t used to Blueffordisms at first and feared for some of the kids’ lives whenever I heard him say he was going to “knock a knot on your head.” And you’ll often hear many of the grandkids exclaim, “Dad-gum!” as much in honor of Bluefford as in genuine surprise or exacerbation.
To his grandkids,

Bluefford is better known as “Deeda.” Supposedly, Bluefford and Katie decided to let the first grandchild determine their names. Jeff Grimes had trouble saying Grandpa; it came out Deeda, so the name stuck. Amazingly, however, Jeff was about to say “Grandy” even though “Gr” is a sound that most children do not master until age 6. That, or else Katie didn’t play by the rules as well as Bluefford.

Several of the kids shared Texas A&M stories about Bluefford. Scottie told me that as a child Deeda took her to an Aggie football game. It was November and it poured down rain the whole time, yet her Deeda made her stand in the rain the entire game, even though some around them left. Scottie was sick for a week afterward! Joseph recalled fondly that his Deeda not only gave him a place to live while attending A&M but purchased tickets for him to make sure he attended football games. In fact, Bluefford bled maroon so much that my son, Christian, while watching an LSU-A&M game on television as a young boy felt the need to root for A&M so as not to upset his Deeda—despite the fact that Bluefford wasn’t in the room and Christian’s other grandfather (who was in the room) had been part of LSU’s 1958 national championship team!

Bluefford loved to go grocery shopping. There was no such thing as a “quick trip” to the store for him. Since Scottie lived in College Station, she often went with him on these expeditions. When she was little, she loved it because she was fascinated that everyone in the store knew Bluefford’s name. She felt like a celebrity. As she got older, however, she began to try to hurry her Deeda by throwing items in the basket and trying to stop him from picking up an extra five gallons of ice cream because it was on sale. Katie and Lucy used to send me to the store with Bluefford, honestly believing I could somehow make it a quick trip! While I could not, I did learn from those trips how to pick ripe cantaloupe as well as other melons, fruits, and vegetables.

Many stories were about the outdoors. Bluefford grew up on a dairy during the Depression and had to hunt and fish for food. So the worst criticism a grandchild could receive was when Deeda called him or her a “town boy” or “town girl” for something wrong, whether fishing, hunting, horseback riding, or just working around the farm or house. Joseph and John David said their favorite memories were all the fishing trips with Deeda, which were too numerous to count. Jason said that Bluefford used to try to get the kids to behave in the car during trips by telling them to keep an eye out for wild turkey or deer. One day, they say was turkey fly across the road and told them to keep an eye out for more wildlife. A little later, Jarrett said he saw a deer. Deeda stopped the car in a hurry and asked where Jarrett had seen the deer, wanting to get a glimpse of it. Jarrett said it was jumping on the yellow sign. Deeda was extremely mad at Jarrett.

Deeda has always told stories about the various hunting dogs he had growing up, so a few weeks ago Jason and Morgan thought it would make Deeda happy to spend some time with their dog, Birdie, so they took Birdie up to Deeda’s nursing home. Bluefford was ecstatic, asking nurses and others at the home if they had seen the fine dog they had brought him. He was disappointed, however, to later learn that they weren’t giving him the dog.

Bluefford and Katie owned some land outside town. The kids creatively call it “The Place.” The kids often go there to fish or ride horses. Kyle said Deeda taught him patience once at the place. After an afternoon of fishing with cousins and aunts and uncles, everyone gave up and went back to Deeda’s to eat. Kathy told Kyle to ride back with Deeda because her car was full. Kyle said that Deeda kept saying they needed to wait for a fish to bite before they left. Kyle, who was seven, became antsy thinking about the food and drinks at home. Deeda pulled some on his hair and kept saying, “wait for the fish.” As it grew dark, Kyle tried to walk back to the car but was turned around by an animal in the dark. About thirty minutes after the others had left, however, there was a pull on the line and Bluefford helped Kyle catch the biggest catfish (to that time) Kyle had ever caught. Kyle said he never forgot that trip. It taught him patience as well as to sit in one spot all day and wait for the fish to come to him.

Isaac said that he remembered horseback riding at the place when he was little. One of the first times, the saddle on the horse wasn’t put on tightly, so as Isaac rode the horse, the saddle slowly began to slip to the right. Isaac held on to it as he continued to slip down until eventually he was hanging from the underside of the horse, but still in the stirrups. Deeda cinched the saddle on properly, but Isaac was leery of riding the horse again. It meant a lot to him when Deeda talked him back onto the horse, helping him to learn perseverance.

Bluefford would often talk about someone having “the patience of Job.” This really described Bluefford. He was always calm within the swirling chaos of sixteen grandchildren and all the misadventures that many kids could generate. Despite such calmness as well as patience in fishing, Bluefford could get frustrated by circumstances beyond his control. This was never more apparent than when Katie decided to throw Bluefford a surprise birthday party one year. She sent him to the store so that everyone could get to the house to surprise him. There are two front doors on their home, so Katie locked the door they normally used so that Bluefford would use the door closer to where the party goers were hiding. She thought Bluefford would check that door, find it locked, and then go to the other door to enter the house—then be surprised. Instead, Bluefford surprised them all. When he found the door locked, he kept trying to open it. He then started hollering for Katie to come open the door and help him carry in the groceries. When she didn’t come, he began to use some language I cannot share here but suffice to say, this later caused him to turn red when Katie hurriedly opened the door and he found the pastor, many of his church members, and other friends inside.

Despite such outbursts, Bluefford did have the patience of Job. During the last years of his life, when his health began to fail, his nurses and other medical staff loved him because of his long-suffering, sweet disposition. John David recalled taking Bluefford to get his blood tests, where he would exclaim, “hot dog” when he saw the phlebotomist. He would say, “there’s my girl,” or hold her hand as she worked with him. He flirted the same way with his nurses, and they enjoyed working with him. Every so often, Bluefford would exclaim “Oh baby, I hurt” or “son of a gun,” but it was always in a good humored way despite the pain. During those times, I imagine he thought about the Psalm he had written in the back of his Bible, “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” (Ps 73:26, NIV), to which Bluefford added, “The Lord himself is my very life.”

His family, however, were his second life. Bluefford and Katie supported both their kids and grandkids as much as possible. Whether it was sitting in the stands for Lucy’s track meets, being at all the Bengal Belles performances for Kathy, serving as Scoutmaster for Jubal, he was there for his kids. Even the big events of the grandkids he supported, driving to Colorado for Aaron’s state wrestling tournament or to Georgia for Jeff’s commissioning to the Army.

Several of the kids recalled the family trips with Grandy and Deeda. Each year, Bluefford and Katie would take one of the families on a trip. For many a year, there was also the annual reunion in conjunction with the Peach JAMboree in Stonewall. Bluefford and Katie also visited the kids’ homes for special occasions. Becky said the grandkids didn’t have one or two special memories of their grandparents. Instead, they had continuous memories. While at the Peach JAMboree on the year of their fiftieth wedding anniversary, their kids gave Bluefford and Katie a needlepoint with Psalm 1 on it. The words of the Psalm describe Bluefford and are especially appropriate since he was a horticulturalist. “His delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers” (Ps 1:2-3, NIV).

Bluefford’s love for God brought forth fruit in his love for his family. He loved them deeply. You can see that if you look at the pictures of him holding each newborn child or grandchild. You could hear it when he said the prayer during a family gathering. When some expressed concern to him about that motorcycle-riding hippie that Becky was dating, Bluefford saw the man within and knew that Bobby would be a great spouse for his daughter. When I sat down with Bluefford to ask for Lucy’s hand in marriage, we had a long talk about responsibilities and the great qualities he saw in his daughter. But when Katie and Lucy came back from shopping and we were sitting at the table eating dinner, Bluefford suddenly said, “Momma, do you know what these kids are talking about?!” It was one of the few times I was ever upset with Bluefford. He thought Lucy and I were talking about marriage and told Katie this. I had wanted to get his permission first, so we had not talked about it. Boy, was Lucy surprised! Scottie told me how meaningful it was after her father’s death that Deeda would bring breakfast every morning, sit and talk to Penny and the kids, then drive the kids to school. He did this because he loved his daughter. Family was important to Bluefford.

The importance of family grew out of his experiences as a child. A fire destroyed Bluefford’s family’s home at the start of the Depression, teaching him from an early age to rely on family and to love them. Now those who knew Bluefford know that he could tell a story. Sometimes you didn’t know how much of the story was history and how much was embellishment. For years when communicating how well his children and grandchildren had it compared to living through the Depression, he would say his family was so poor that he only had a one-wheeled tricycle. Everyone thought that was an exaggeration . . . until a few years ago when we found a photo. There was Bluefford with his two older brothers on a tricycle that only had the front wheel!

Because of the fire and the Depression, his family had very little money. For Christmas, Bluefford would get a soap dog that his father had carved for him. He loved those soap carvings but always wanted more for his children and grandchildren. Because of this, Christmas was a special time for him. He wanted to have the biggest tree that would (almost) fit in the living room. It had to be a real tree—no artificial one would do. He enjoyed seeing the happiness on the faces of his family members as they opened their presents. But most important to him, as a believer in Jesus Christ, was that Christmas is the time of year when we celebrate the birth of Jesus. Through the life of Jesus, Bluefford found forgiveness for his sins and a new life that was full and blessed. The gift of Jesus gave him joy. It brought Joy to the World, as the prophet Isaiah said, “For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace” (Isa 9:6, NIV). It was Bluefford’s prayer that all would know the joy that comes from faith in Christ.

Family

Eulogy for Katie Lou Hancock

Before I katie lou hancockstart, I want to say I would much rather you could have the chance to sit with Katie’s five children, as I did yesterday evening, and listen to them share about their mother. They could do a far better job than I to communicate to you who their mother was and why they loved her. Prov 31:28 says, “Her children arise and call her blessed.” Never was there a truer statement.

When I asked Kathy if Katie had a Bible I could look through to see if there were any favorite verses marked, Kathy told me I needed to look in Mom’s Bible. “Mom” is what Katie’s children always called Katie’s mother, Lota Mae Harris. Kathy told me that there was something special I should see written beside Proverbs 31. So I opened the Bible to that chapter, and saw written in the margins, “Katie Lou” with an arrow pointing over to the text.

While I knew what the arrow meant, at first it seemed to me that the arrow pointed at verse 9, which began, “Open thy mouth.” Well, if I stopped right there, some might think that described Katie. After all, one of her children remarked there wasn’t a waitress in College Station who hadn’t heard about Katie’s children and grandchildren at some point in their career. In addition, one of her grandchildren told me she must have talked her way out of at least fifty traffic tickets. Katie never met a stranger.

But verse 9 doesn’t stop at “open thy mouth.” The reason it says you should open your mouth is to “plead the cause of the poor and needy.” Katie certainly had a heart for the poor, the needy, and others who might not be accepted by society for one reason or another. Not many people from Bluefford and Katie’s generation would be close enough to an African-American man to be listed by him as “family” when he filled out papers to enter drug rehabilitation. Even fewer would actually show up at the family meeting nights to support him. But Katie and Bluefford were there, just as they were at the opening of an African-American Baptist church and even opened their home to this congregation as a meeting place for their fellowships.

At my wedding, I met a young man with a mental disability who told me how much he loved Katie and Bluefford. While he wasn’t able to say this, I know it is because they treated him with dignity, and they always made time for him when he called, came by, or spoke to them in church. Where others labeled him “special” because of his disabilities, Katie made him feel special because he was a person created in the image of God. Katie loved to serve people, whether in the Women’s Missionary Union, the Extension Service Auxiliary Club, or on the street; be it a friend, family member, or someone in need or needing a friend.

In Katie’s mother’s Bible, I also found quotations from several poets written on the obverse of the presentation page. One quote was from a poem by Robert Frost. “The woods are lovely, dark and deep, but I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep.” This verse reminded me of several things the family shared with me yesterday evening. Jeff talked about how much Katie loved to hunt and fish. He said she would pick a spot and stay there fishing, never leaving until time to leave or break for lunch. Usually, he said, she caught the biggest fish because the rest of us were too impatient and would move back and forth looking for the “right” spot. It is not without reason that we will sing “Shall We Gather at the River” later. Katie loved the outdoors.

Frost’s poem, however, emphasizes that while the outdoors are lovely, he couldn’t stay there, for he had promises to keep. Katie was always there for special events, such as the birth of a baby. As two additional examples, Lucy said her mother would sit in the stands waiting for the end of the track meet, when the two mile race began, to cheer her on. Aaron told me how his Grandee convinced his Deeda to drive all the way to Colorado to cheer him on at the 2003 state wrestling tournament. We think this was the last time they made such a long distance trip. “And miles to go before I sleep” indeed.

In fact, Scottie told me to tell you that Katie never slept. She said Grandee would go to bed after all the grandkids yet be awake before any of them got up. When the grandkids got older, they would think nothing of going by the house at 10pm. Grandee would always welcome them in, put on a pizza or find something else for them to eat. She was always ready for a party.

Another example? Katie’s oldest grandson, Jeff, lived next door to his grandparents when he attended A&M. One morning before Christmas, around 12:30 in the morning to be exact, he called his Grandee and asked if she was asleep. No, she said, what did he need? Jeff was in line at Hastings to buy a Playstation 2 when the store opened later that morning, but he really needed to go to the restroom and wanted to get something to eat. Could she come up and stand in line for him? Katie not only drove up there and held Jeff’s place for him, she knew all the kids in line by the time he came back and they were all telling him what a cool grandmother he had!

Now please understand, Katie wasn’t perfect. Joseph, another grandson who lived next to Katie, talked about how sweet his Grandee was to bring him food from time to time . . . but having to throw some of it away because the expiration date was a couple of years past. Scottie and Jarrett noted Grandee never learned to put gas in the car, cutting short a shopping trip with Scottie once so Bluefford could take the car to get gas or driving around town with Jarrett another time the gauge was low searching for a full service station in the mid-1990s!

But Katie’s life reminds me of two verses from the book of Proverbs. Chapter 20 verse 7 says, “The righteous lead blameless lives; blessed are their children after them.” Chapter 13 verse 22 states, “A good person leaves an inheritance for their children’s children.” Katie was an only child who always wanted a big family. Yet several of the children said to me, somehow she had six only childs. None of her daughters or sons felt like they ever took a back seat to someone else. Each felt important. Katie supported each one in whatever he or she was interested in. She was always there for the special events.

But her love did not end with her children. Her children’s spouses were sons and daughters, not “in laws.” The grandkids grew up feeling her house was their home, because Katie made it a home and made sure they had fun when she was there. Several of the grandkids said they were such good friends with their cousins because Katie insisted the family get together twice a year, at Christmas and at the Peach Jamboree in Stonewall each summer. Even the friends of Bluefford and Katie and the friends of their children and grandchildren felt welcomed whenever they came over or joined the family to attend the Peach Jamboree or some other family event. Becky said, “Mother lived out her Christian faith.” Jubal agreed, but added she showed you could be a Christian and yet have fun and a good sense of humor.

Returning to where I started, you recall I found the words “Katie Lou” written beside Proverbs 31 and there was an arrow. The arrow actually pointed to verse 10, which begins a poem known as the Virtuous Woman. Becky said Mom used to always say Katie was the woman of Prov 31. In Bluefford’s Bible, he also had a star beside Prov 31 and several verses underlined. One verse was, “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” The other was, “She brings her husband good, not harm, all the days of her life.” Jeff pointed out the fact that Katie knew Bluefford her whole life. They grew up as friends. They married and lived happily almost 67 years. She was always there for Bluefford, supporting his work, assisting his ministry as a deacon, even learning computer skills to help him after his retirement. While they sometime would get frustrated or upset with the other, there was never any doubt that they loved each other.

I remember Bluefford often looking at me and saying, “Son, what’s bred in the bone comes out in the flesh.” He usually said it in jest, hinting to me that whatever it was at the moment that I saw Katie doing would at some point manifest itself in my wife, Lucy. This statement was true about Katie, however, in at least two ways. First, none of their six children has ever been through a divorce. They all attribute this to the witness of Bluefford and Katie’s long, happy marriage. The second way is what I saw in Katie the last time I saw her. Despite the fact that her memories had faded, I saw her grabbing some paper towels to help clean up after a fellow resident had become ill at the dining table. There she was, making a home, serving another in his time of need, living out her Christian faith that was bred in her bone.

In the front of Lota Mae’s Bible was another quotation. “God gives us memories so that we may have roses in December.” Katie has died and all we are left with are memories. Yet these memories allow us to remember and celebrate the life that she lived. And for those of us who share Katie’s Christian faith, we can look forward to the day when her life will be in full bloom again.